Funny airplane announcements

Last week, a Ryanair stewardess made the news with one of her announcements.  When ice was forming on an already delayed plane, she told the passengers to wait patiently as “We don’t want to die”. Her announcement might have been a bit shocking then and there, but it made us chuckle when we read the news. That’s why we collected some other funny announcements for you:

Rough landings

“Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

“We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

“That was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault and it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault. It was the asphalt.”

Business

“Weather at our destination is 10 degrees Celsius with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines.”

“Thank you for flying with Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

“We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at American Airlines.”

Instructions

“Welcome aboard Southwest Flight (…) to Chicago. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.”

“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

“Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have. “

“Last one off the plane must clean it.”

Sources: Eyeflare, Wanderings
Photo credits: Flickr.com